m³june

mk's monthly musing

hello

we look back on the passing of gemini into cancer, the rising of heat domes, and the gathering of steam for use as a fuel source.

i write to you as we already have one ankle firmly soaked in the shores of july;; time is an illusion, our minds watch our feelings watch our bodies.

touching the grass of the soul

this should be an image^^ &&youshould be able to hover over it for text and click it to open it at full resolution.

my daily micro-logging of life appears to have promptly dropped off the moment we exited gemini around june 21, which ushered in a sudden and ferocious interest in making my life more meaningful & climbing to a better viewpoint. more exercises in the act of 'cold calling random people you want to talk to about stuff' introduced a weeks long mania investigating grant funding. seeing how my boss, an admirable and kind man whose flavour as a Creative Director is Vanilla at best, has managed to build a formidable and fully funded studio presented encouragement in many forms:
1. my ideas are much more interesting (dont share this vid its unreleased lol)why shouldn't i be able to do the same
2. can we live in a world where non-commercial interactive art can get funding just because it deserves to exist
2.5 pain
3. literal encouragement from bossman to follow my dreams and copy his homework on how to get there

you were very much a part of the episode that followed and know the story of how in about 4 or 5 sleepless days we turned a series of drug fueled post-it notes and an endless quantity of vaguely connected design documents from the depths of my brain were boiled and collated into a very compelling idea which amplified the talents and expertise of an interesing collection of human brains. & how a first-come-first-served grant was only accepting applications for 32hours and my intuition to let myself get 4 hours of sleep and review the proposed budget before submission was incorrect.

there is steam though. focused mental heat applied to liquid yearning. formalization of determination & understanding that/how we must/may construct a device to capture and translate this steam into power. motivation/momentum which literally and physically overlapped with a long-planned reunion with the god-damned God Dammed Kootenay range...

dustlands

there was little time to process what had even happened, stepping off of the smallest plane i've ever flown in (after the worst turbulence i've ever experienced) to be greeted by the flat rounded smile of Jesse Gutzman Esq. and immediately taking his gigantic 1980s F350 to the dump to discard of a bunch of mouldy drywall and maybe look for treasure and a cigarette.

there is something to be said though, of course, of pause & review. reconnecting with the molasses speed of kootenay life: the dusty hot saccharine air, the locals peering into your unrecognized soul at every turn, the overwhelming amount of space between every thing and moment...i quickly realized i had signed up for a retreat, a forced review of the recent half-decade or so.

maybe part of my tardiness in delivering this collection of words in time for the turning of the calendar relates to this soupiness, this constant overlap of endeavors and experiences. upon this time of reflection it became more obvious to me how the dough of life has been kneaded and folded on itself: the sharply contrasting and distinct chapters of youth have given way to amorphous mutating, the juggling of obligations/obsessions while the nature of post-capitalist society seeks to derail and diminish at every opportunity. that being said i am increasingly happy with this bloblike entity i can point to as my existence , when held safely at arm's reach from the threats of our modern world? ??

if it breathes it is haunted

this entry is feeling more like a journal than a collection of musings but the recent span of life has felt like 100 years of inwardly-fixated///externally-felt upheaval ? the muse is MAKE IT BETTER, the muse is I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT THIS IS IT.

i am seancing myself and the vastness of all eternity, i am praying to the ghosts of this land and lands i have never touched and ask for answers. i will abide by the movements of this season: reinforcing shelter, touching base with the squishy innards beneath our shells, and splashing about/allowing the flotsam and jetsam to inspire as we collect ourselves and build ideal little sand castles. i have never been one for fortification, opting instead for muscle/skill/bravery to drive full cylinder into the sun in all regards...but if this recently-reflected-upon-BC-life has been about anything it is: trying??? like trying a bit harder to be me but not be a lunatic and figure out what that means but its all the same but its different idk really to be continued.

hopefully these confused ramblings continue to be interesting or entertaining somehow
with love and FIRE
~xandork